Humor

Wimbledon is the sacred hallowed stomping ground of the worlds elite tennis players, like Martina Hingis.
It’s also the world’s most deadliest place……....to be a pigeon.

We all know the concept of irony, even strung out music stars like Alanis Morissette know it’s like having 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. Apparently the notion of irony still escapes juiced up ignorant athletes.

A GIRL has been banned from playing tennis by her local club because she grunts too loudly.

Lauryn Edwards, 9, was told at the weekend that she could no longer play her favourite sport after a complaint by an opposition player.

The Mt Carmel Tennis Club, in Sunbury, told Lauryn's stunned parents, Duncan and Ruth, that the grunting had become too much.

Mr Edwards described the ban as pathetic and has contacted Tennis Australia and Tennis Victoria for advice.

(Washington D.C.) In a stunning turn of events Clemens has denied ever denying he used steroids, while former trainer Brian McNamee affirms he never confirmed Clemens ever took PEDS. Apparently the two of them were so convinced of each others guilt that they flipped on themselves! It’s a classic case of he said he said turned into he never said that I ever said that he said that. The two befuddled and confused Congress much like Bugs used to do to old Elmer.

Congress recently subpoenaed former MLB player Chuck Knoblauch. The action was forced, because Chucky would not voluntarily submit himself to testify about his supposed steroid use before Congress. Alas, to the great dismay of the FBI, Chuck was able to avoid being served a subpoena for three whole days, and appeared only to voluntarily accept his invitation to testify before Congress. Thus he negated the need for the subpoena, and forced Congress to retract its order. Many on Capital Hill were astonished by the will Chuck showed in the face of such overwhelming power.

Michael Vick, once one of the highest paid and well known players in the National Football League, was sentenced to 23 months in prison for financing a dogfighting ring and helping to kill pit bulls that couldn't finish when it came to the big fight. Vick should be grateful that the same rules didn't apply to him during his over-hyped NFL career when he failed to lead his team all the way on several occasions. I'm also willing to bet that any of those dogs he put down would have ripped off Vick's left nut if he went against them 1 on 1 in the ring.

Conspiracy theory 101: If it isn’t completely whacko it isn’t a real conspiracy.
So let’s discuss the theory that Scott Boras has diabolically plotted the downfall of the Yankees.

Welcome to the tournament we’re going to settle the dispute once and for all. Who in professional sports ruins the game the most by voicing their vile vernacular? Over the next few paragraphs we’ll be delving into the very psyche of those whom sadistically expunge the most detestable of rhetoric upon our delicate ears. I’ve collected and carefully examined the body of work of 16 spiel spewing speakers. The goal is simple: Find and isolate the one person who is so abhorrently loathsome that he causes you to throw up a little in the back of your throat. Enough of this jive let’s bring em on!

LAS VEGAS -- A memorabilia dealer accusing O.J. Simpson of robbing him testified Thursday that the former football star burst into a hotel room with a handful of other men, including one wielding a gun, and carried off hundreds of collector's items.

Supreme Ruler (The player formerly known as Alex Rodriguez) and his agent Scott Boras, who is the current Supreme Ruler, reported on SI.com during Game 4 of the 2007 World Series that A-Rod will opt out of his current contract with the New York Yankees. (It should also be noted that A-Rod was not actually in Game 4 of the 2007 World Series or the The World Series in general for that matter.)